January 2009
December 2008
fuck gift cards
I can’t decide one way or another about gift cards.
Right now I’m sitting here staring at this motherfucking $100 american express gift card my dad gave me (thanks for reading, dad! :D ) that currently has a balance of 0 because, according to the customer service representative, I tried to use it at a gas station. Clearly the gas station attendant stole the frigging number from it...
2 tags
here's to never washing my face in 2009
Last night we got home from a long day of wedding festivities— which mostly means…drinking, and i climbed right into bed to go to sleep while my fellow bmaid got ready for bed. “God, you just go to sleep without even washing your face and you have perfect skin,” she called to me from the bathroom.
It was true. I don’t. I basically have washed my face maybe…3x...
on the bachelorette party
bride: So, maid of honor, how are you going to run this night?
me: Well.
1 tag
it's like
my greatest dancing aspiration is to have black people compliment my dancing. that’s honestly my main goal every time i dance. not to have fun, not to seduce anyone, not to reach enlightenment, but to have black men dance around me and say YOU GOT IT GIRL when i walk it out. because i do have it. and i do know how to fucking walk it out. the thing about walking it out is that once you get in...
3 tags
2 tags
true.
cousin: you got a fake christmas tree?
sister: yep. parents get divorced, you get a fake tree.
friday night in tallahassee means
being approached by a woman who asked if i was meaghan. yes. did i recognize her? sort of? no? oh, well i went to junior prom with her son. awesome! give him my regards. thank him for dry humping me onmy friend’s couch 7 years ago! thrilling!
walking into a bar and seeing my 2nd and last boyfriend from the year 2000 who i broke up with after 5 days. I realized while doing my algebra II...
Nothing says home for the holidays like...
greeting your mom’s date at the front door. They’re going to a dance. At the American Legion. I held back the dogs by their collars while they jumped around and he tried to introduce himself to me. “Have fun!” I yelled after them.
Who am I?
I seriously just got kicked out of Rick's Toy Box...
“Sorry, darlin, but you got get outta’ here…I could get in a lot of trouble havin you in here.”
4 tags
bride: so have you ever gotten a brazilian wax?
me: do I have to do that to be in your wedding?
bride: it's a request from the groomsmen.
3 tags
For Christmas, my mom gave me a wall calendar...
This is the only acceptable christmas song in my...
“Maybe I should go for it, but I know I won’t. I’m gonna move away to...”
awesome poems
I wrote this when I was 13. Ha. I still remember that feeling. I had been grounded for getting 4 B’s on my report card (Mom! Come on!) and apparently was framing a little personal manifesto. I guess I don’t still get that excited when people compliment my hair, but most of it still applies..
Lately I feel like I’ve let my parents down, like I don’t accomplish enough....
3 tags
dad: what's a buttplug?
1 day in florida and ive already reignited my passion for the dollar store. and general disdain for all people.
“I began to understand that there were certain talkers— certain...”
– Alice Munro, “Some Women”
2 tags
the best thing i have ever said.
“Is she on Facebook?”
“No, she’s on Butterfacebook.”
guys when i walk in the snow my shoes become high heels of ice. ice wedges. I’ll show you. I walked for like 6 hours in the snow— ok like 20 mins— to make copies of DIY bachelorette invites…i finally found a place that had copies for like 10 cents but the melting snow dripped all over them and ruined them and somehow i forgot you had to leave the thing you were copying IN...
Nothing makes me google with more gusto than...
redamancy
noun • the act of loving in return
via wordjournal
“…here is what I mean: no matter how I feel that day, hurt or iron-hard, I...”
– haunted
:) Here’s to a ludicrous sense of plot!!
halle: I want to be a nerd Machiavelli
me: ha. the end justifies the memes.
Custody
dearoldlove:
You still have my green jacket. You still have much more than my green jacket.
jennabee:
Bon Iver - Blindsided
I think the...
tonight
my sister told me she has never seen snow fall before.
How could this be? When did I do all of this living without her?
On our walk home from the train we decided to stomp through McCarren Park, taking pictures of each other in our matching rainboots, the ones our mom bought us the last time she was in town— in the summer, in the rain. I asked Lauren when she saw snow on the ground, if...
I feel so abandoned when people whose itunes im listening to at coffee shops leave. noooooooo annie fischer i want mates of state back noooooo
