April 2008
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“I see that not touching for so long was a drive to the beach with the windows...”
– Amy Hempel, “The Most Girl Part of You”
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here’s another will sheff cover from...
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thought:
period-staining someone’s furniture is, if not the best, then certainly my favorite form of passive aggression.
“there is nothing that
distracts me music is
only a crossword puzzle
do you...”
– frank o’hara
things i said to various apple employees to get a...
“I will singlehandedly destroy this empire.” “I’m going to kernel panic all over your face.” “Ohmygod, I was afraid you were going to ask me if I had ever looked at porn on this computer.”
[some of the] Lies I've Told Bobby About Life That...
People under the age of 16 can be arrested for profanity. Human beings keep talking for about 10 minutes after they die, wherein they tell all of their biggest secrets.
“I had my own bed. I slept in it alone, except for those times when we...”
– amy hempel, from “nashville gone to ashes”
how NOT to answer the question, "Do you have a...
“No, but there are…men…in..my..life.”
so, uh...
can anyone tell me how to do my taxes?
“I don’t wish I was in your arms,
I just wish I was peddling a bicycle
toward...”
– Jeffrey McDaniel (via scout)
as if i needed another reason to hate myspace:
Hi Meaghan You’re mom sent me a very sweet message and I can’t get one back to her cuz she has Fort Knox security on her Myspace. Can you like tell her to turn it off or let me in, or send me an email to my esmasmacho@yahoo address? Yer mom is very cute, btw. thanks Dave
“I submit to life and then I find beautiful explanations for my act.”
– Anais Nin, Henry and June
i want to be the simone de beauvoir to your... →
“He is an emotional MRSA.”
– halle
Pretty Girls with Fat Asses, Revenge of the →
(via sallypopkorn)
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bobby's best spelling homework sentence thus far:
I have the courage to fart in public.
“If I was your age, would you like me?”
– Bobby
really awkward zing of the week
we are at dinner with carole's flavor of the week, who is trying to debone a fish at kuma inn.
flavor: i don't work well under pressure
me: yeah, that's what i hear.
“oh god it’s wonderful
to get out of bed
and drink too much coffee
and...”
– (dear, sweet) frank o’hara, “steps”
Me (singing): i said you really got a holdddd on me...
bobby: you know too many songs.
me: huh? how can you know too many songs? that's just loving life.
bobby: i love life!
me: you do?
bobby: yea. well i'd love life more if i could play on my computer all day.
me: that's not life, thats Second Life.
bobby: WAAH WAAH!
imaginary conversation; or is it??
salesperson: and what kind of jeans were you looking for today?
me: the kind that get stuck around your ankles when you are face down over an ikea computer desk.
“For my sins I live in the city of New York…”
– Ted Berrigan
“Cherish this city
left you by default
include it in your daydreams
there are...”
– audre lorde
friend: well... it was Banker Sex.
me: haha! what do you mean? boring and jackhammer-y?
friend: exactly!
“Naturally, as in all love stories, we slept together on the first night.”
– Michel Houellebecq, The Possibility of an Island