June 2008
What I Found In My Bag This Morning After I Fell...
Ani DiFranco’s Reprieve and Living in Clip
Babeland Sex Toy Cleaner
A Pair of Black Leather Gloves
A 4 fl. oz. bottle of water-based lube.
It’s nice to have friends who know the real me.
ericamay:tightgrip:
Jens Lekman - The Opposite Of...
“I don’t want to have to do this living. I just walk around. I want to be swept...”
– John Hawkes’ character ‘Richard Swersey’ in Miranda July’s film ‘Me and You and Everyone We Know’ (via Wikiquote) (via annarchy)
I secretly fucking cherish this song— like,...
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“Has Meggie ever done sex?”
– Bobby
Yea, this song gets me every time. In the...
WatchI am thoroughly embarassed to embed this little retarded gem of me and Bobby goofing around with my laptop the other night.
me: you know my penchant for gangly, oversexed, unavailable white guys.
miriam: we are two peas in a daddy issues pod.
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bobby said "alas" today.
i believe my work here is done.
Colleen McCarron, “Choose To Be...
just an open question...ha.
do we think it’s appropriate for a 50 year old Dad from Bobby’s school to comment on my myspace photos?
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ohmygod the funniest thing in the world happened...
First off, B had to go make (procure? provide? nothing really sounds right) a urine sample. Now, in most doctor’s offices I’ve been in— and these have been in the boondocks of Alabama, Louisiana, Florida, and Indiana mind you, not Manhattan!— you pee in a cup and put it in that hidden compartment thing, where it spins around right to the nurses station or lab or somesuch...
“Too Long” Yael Naim
Carole and I...
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just took B to his first dance.
“Remember, when in doubt, do the robot.”
shoot.
Bobby: Does this shirt look too girly?
Me: No-- just don't get cold because your nipples will show.
(Bobby freaks out)
Me: No, I mean, I can't see them now but you know when people get cold and their nipples stick out?
Bobby: Oh yeah. Yours do that all the time.
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Beck, “Sexx Laws”
Sing this song on...
“Hot guys comming to NYC. Mike, Howard And co. I gave them ya’lls numbers”
– text I just [regrettably] got from my mom.
update: they were indeed random guys she met at a bar.
June 18, 1998, or, The More Things Change...
One time, we were going to the gym, and we past all these 1st graders, and they asked Bryan if I was his girlfriend, and he said yup, and they go, “Man, she’s pretty,” and when we came back by some kid goes, “Seriously, she really is pretty!” and they were all saying stuff, and we were walking away, and one goes, “She’s got a fat butt though!”
and that is a threat.
Halle: i think my favorite come on is the one thats like "That shirt is very becoming on you. Then again, if I were on you, I'd be cumming too."
Halle: I think Albert Einstein invented that, bc it is so genius
Me: Haaha, it actually is kind of hot.
Halle: I know right?!
Halle: Too bad nobody says shit like that anymore.
Me: Chivalry is dead.
Halle: UNTIL TODAY!
sometimes i play "What if My Boss Came Home Right...
I imagine turning around and seeing The Dad standing in the doorway, shaking his head as I dance butt naked to MGMT, my body and their entire bathroom covered in medium ash blonde hair dye.
if i had a nickel...
Man on Street Corner: Excuse me, ma'am, but I have been searching for a beautiful white woman just like you...
“She began stroking my ankles. I considered kicking her in the cunt.”
– Samuel Beckett, “First Love”
I’m sorry but this short story is the bomb diggity, mostly because they fall in love on a park bench, but ALSO because there is the threat of a cunt-kick— also known as the most hilarious form of violence against women.
Liz Phair, H.W.C.
In her neverending quest to be...
“I wonder what the poor people are doing right now?”
– the DJ at my cousin’s wedding this weekend. into the mic. i believe the answer is starving in burma. fist pump!
wait, what's that?
Me: My dress flew up on my way to get you and all of Columbia St. just saw my buttcheeks!
Bobby (near tears): STOP DOING THAT!
Me: What! i can't help it!
Bobby: Yes you can, WEAR UNDERWEAR!
cosmopsis:
Dolly Parton - 9 to 5
ay yay yayyyyy...
Bobby: I think I know why Meggie doesn't have a boyfriend.
Me: Please. Pray tell.
Bobby: Because she's afraid...
The Mom: What do you mean, honey?
Bobby: Like, if she loves a guy, she doesn't say "I love you," she says like, "Hey...uh...wanna hang out?"
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“You can’t motorboat a personality…”
– commenter here on ideal hipster boob size / the best thing i’ve read all…life.
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All the boys in Bobby's class like one girl:...
Bobby's friend: What's the hottest thing about Marissa?
Bobby: I dunno...
Friend: Is it... her body? her hair? her head? her communication style? [he actually said that]
Bobby: *shrug*
Friend: She's really nice...
Bobby: Yeah...
Friend: And smart. Do you think she's the smartest kid in our class?
Bobby: I dunno, yeah, maybe...
Friend: She can write without looking. She wrote an entire essay without looking at the page!
Bobby: That's impossible...
I want to live in a world where writing without looking is the ultimate turn-on.
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anais nin on henry miller (literally! haha).
He asks to see me again. When I wait in the armchair in his room, and he kneels to kiss me, he is stranger than all my thoughts. With his experience he dominates me. He dominates with his mind, too, and I am silenced. He whispers to me what my body must do. I obey, and new instincts rise in me. He has seized me. A man so human; and I, brazenly natural. I am amazed at my lying there in his iron...
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additionally
you might ask, “But Meaghan, why were you lying in bed naked with your door/vadge open?”
Here is the real story, which got too complicated for my idiotic attempt at joke math*:
Mitigating factors are as follows:
1. The Dad hasn’t put back my A.C. unit back in the window yet this year— he takes it away from me as soon as it cools down because I “abuse it.”...
where f(x)= downcast eyes at breakfast
f(hot summer night): (me naked, in bed with door open) (bobby’s dad, walking by)
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