August 2008
“Your first book is like the girl you lose your virginity to. You think, I wish I...”
– Irvine Welsh
“A lot of people are afraid to say what they want. That’s why they...”
– madonna, sex
amandalynferri:
dog problems - the format
...
the king of carrot flowers, pt. 1, neutral milk...
supernanny →
As someone who just left her two-year stint as a live-in nanny, this article feels me with such anxiety.
Nannying is an amazing way to get your start in this city. I’ll always be grateful for that. But think about your own family, all the embeddedness and neuroses, the tantrums you only seem to have when you are home for a visit. Then remember that you love them unconditionally and there...
“I would have tons of sex. I think sex is probably way better for dudes.”
– — Layla, “What Would You Do With a Penis For a Day?”
Dear Layla,
YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG.
homeofthevain:
Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy with...
is it bad that I am deciding on what kind of man...
“I am totally fucking miserable. Thanks New York!”
– pocketnovel.tumblr.com
Ha. And now she’s had the full experience. You can’t find that shit in your NFT guidebook.
“I was not then guilt-ridden about spending afternoons that way, because I still...”
– joan d., “goodbye to all that”
I’m in the process of losing this quality; and let me tell you, I am not happy about it. It makes me feel old.
Whatever.
emes:
meaghano:
caragh:
The Perks of Being a Wallflower tried too hard.
There. I said it. That’s been on my chest since junior high. Just like breasts. (Puberty, you guys.)
ahhh, blasphemy! i feel infinite!
i think it had some good moments, but i felt like the writing was way too faux-earnest. intelligent highschoolers don’t speak and think like third graders and then come out with...
red alert.
I just saw a GEEKY FIREFIGHTER.
I’ve never subscribed to the firefighter thing. It’s the whole saving-a-stranger’s-life idea. I don’t like that. I don’t trust it. Or maybe they just make me feel guilty. Or maybe they just seem stupid.
But the point is: not this one. Not MY firefighter. My firefighter had GLASSES. And not just glasses, black plastic framed glasses....
everytime i hear DNC i think D&C
there’s a joke in there somewhere.
Echo & the Bunnymen, “Bedbugs and...
she will, too.
Halle: I still haven't planned that bachelorette party. FUCK. Never trust me to plan your bachelorette party.
Me: I don't think you still have bachelorette parties when you're 60.
Halle: When you die alone, nobody really throws you a party.
Me: My funeral will be my bachelorette party.
Halle: I'll put a little penis-shaped shot glass on your grave.
vicky, christina, etc. etc.
This movie automatically had me on the offensive by having far too long of a name— and strung together proper nouns at that. No commas, no ellipsis, no thank you. That is not cute. Those names are retarded. It reminds me of a, looking back now, perhaps mildly disabled, girl’s science fair project from high school. She just basically grew crystals. but this was the title on her trifold...
dear ups worker who have me two dollars in quarters for the bus once you heard bobby wailing at me because he didnt want to go walk to buy a card,
THANK YOU.
it was a woman, even. so, genuine human kindness. or just genuine human desire for the kid to shut the hell up.
also, i kind of love it when strangers give bobby talks when he is having a tantrum. “Now, listen to her, listen to...
the sad truth
crazyonyou:
the only thing that keeps me from sleeping with people on the second date is how insanely messy my room is.
the only thing keeping me from sleeping with people on the second date is that there is no 2nd date because I slept with them on the first. WHOOPS!
that's it, honeymoon's over.
Bobby: I think you got shorter. And fatter.
Me: I did NOT!
Bobby: Yes you did, just look at that butt!
yes!
me and bobby have been reunited. he’s cool now after being at sleepaway camp and having a 14 yr old crushing on him. He just said, “Camp’s kind of a white kid thing, ya know?” Yes I do.
we are off to the skatepark…
“he’s a rebel,” the morning...
adTHANKSvance
is this email signature annoyingly clever or cleverly annoying? I vote cleverly annoying, but mostly because it’s Monday morning and if I get another email about an anime conference I’m going to hang myself.
dag yo. sitting on concrete and drinking in the sun all day really takes it out of ya.
it really is.
new boss: [your other boss] is really cool, right?
me: Yeah. Yeah, he's great.
new boss: Well I'm gonna be better. I'm gonna be the best boss. I ran into him the other day on the street, I told him I was going to be the better boss and steal his assistant from him.
me: What'd he say?
new boss: "It's on."
i want to proudly announce that i have worn the same shirt to move in, to sleep in, to go out in, to an erotica reading, a film screening, yoga 3x, a first date, and now, to meet my new boss.
i imagine my wearing the same shirt every day for...
Also, if you were wondering how many nights it takes to grow tired of sleeping on a pile of blankets on the hardwood floor, the answer is 5.
jessicap:annamarie: Hall and Oates - Rich Girl
...
why I shouldn't be anyone's maid of honor:
So what is a spa day, per se? Hahaha. I mean I think I have read about this in wedding books at Barnes and Noble.
help!
i can’t stop telling people it’s their lucky day. It’s a serious problem. I just announced to a prospective employer that it was his lucky goddamn day because I had a printer-scanner-copier. :( I must be stopped.
oh, that and being on the G train.
the worst thing about getting a $100 ticket on the G train for jumping the turnstiles? Seeing what the cop put down for height and weight.
I’m not even gonna SAY what he put but it is 25+ pounds more than my actual weight. Let it suffice to say that I am never wearing this outfit again.
almost-tom swifty
thelittlemermaid:
meaghano:
“So, uh, what’s the deal with this open-air market?” he said bizarrely.
I’m a little obsessed with Tom Swifties now.
Here are a few links that lead to explanations/loads of Swifties.
And here are a few of my favorites: “I like modern painting,” said Tom abstractly. “This game is foul,” Tom groused. “Boy, that’s an ugly hippopotamus!” said Tom hypocritically. “No...
I live on the first floor of my building— my room’s on the corner. My windows are always open and I have a fantasy that the men sitting on milk crates outside the bodega are bobbing their heads to Midnite Vultures, perhaps hearing it, really hearing it for the first time. Haha, just kidding. I am actually just worried that they watch me through the blinds when I sleep.
2 tags
I never feel so intimidated as when I go to a coffeeshop for the first time. No kidding. It’s like infiltrating this whole society, filled with unspoken rules and manners of being and I have no idea what they are much less where the milk table is and whether or not they have mediums. They ask me if they need to leave room for milk and I say yes but they still don’t do it and they ask...
“nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense...”
– e.e. cummings (via scout)
1 tag
“Do you know how pretty you are?” a lover once said. “Yes,” I said, catching my breath. He stopped. “What? You do?” There was a comic beat of sorts. My face was smashed into the mattress. I looked at the wall, “What, what do you want me to say? No?” “You could try thank you.”
I laughed and then thought about this for days after.
frannyandzooey:
Adele - Make You Feel My Love
...
1 tag
what i did tonight:
walked around Greenpoint thinking up Tom Swifties with Chris.
Lorrie Moore’s:
This hot dog’s awful,” she said frankly.
“Take a bow,” he said sternly.
Ours:
“I like your butt,” she cracked.
“I’m gonna come!” he ejaculated.
Chris kept trying to use ones with queef but I objected (because I am a lady). I’ll try and think of...