I made it all the way up the first hill of the Williamsburg Bridge today without getting off my bike and walking it. It’s so hard, which hasn’t stopped being WEIRD to me because people do it every day without comment. People are always riding by me, old people, chubby people, people with one leg (!!). I want to gather everyone together and be like, You know this is an achievement, right? You’re riding all the way up this hill without stopping, and sure, some of you are going pretty slow, on the lowest (highest? I never know how it works) gear, and pumping your body up and down, but you aren’t yelling out about how hard it is, and no one’s nodding to each other like Hey! We did it!” No one’s high-fiving or anything and I just want to make sure I am not alone in feeling like these hills are actually pretty significant and maybe one of the most challenging parts of my day? I want to be like, WHAT THE FUCK, RIGHT? while I’m standing next to my bike staring out at the East River at some turn on the bridge where there’s room to take a break. But everyone’s just going about their commute, pedaling along without comment, while I stand there chugging on my almost-ironic-by-now I <3 YOGA water bottle that is so embarrassing to drink out of after I have slept through office yoga for the 3rd Tuesday in a row.
I stop at the same part, after the same hill on the way into Manhattan every time. I’m always afraid a biking coworker will pass me and catch me hyperventilating and texting my boyfriend about which garbage can I made it to without stopping that day. ALL OF THE GARBAGE CANS, today. I am not sure how I did it, except for heavy breathing and some sort of fake confidence that Sports People probably always use but I just don’t really have the “toolbox” for that. It’s more like whatthefuckwhatthefuck fuckeverythingfuckeverything.
And then tonight! I was riding home, pep-talking myself like an athlete, putting off switching gears and counting to ten over and over, picking trash cans to try to make it to without switching gears, when a bunch of bikes were passing me on all sides and some weirdo guy looks back at me over his shoulder and goes, “C’MON NOW! NO PAIN NO GAIN!” And I dunno, part of me is like, how dare he think he can comment on me and my bike riding!” and the other part was like THANK YOU FOR ACKNOWLEDGING THIS SITUATION. WE ARE ALL RIDING OUR BIKES HOME OVER A HUGE FUCKING HILL. IS THIS WHAT IT’S COME TO? Everyone trying to play it cool? No pain no gain! No pain no saving money on your metro card! You paid $300 for this bike you damn well better learn how to ride it over a huge hill! You have imagined yourself becoming a Person Who Bikes to Work for years now, because commuting on the L train is literally ruining your day, every day, and taking years off of your life. And now this. I’m going to google “Williamsburg Bridge, bike, hard” and see what I find. Not everyone can have such robust quadriceps that this isn’t exerting. I know the truth!
