Life is hard. Here is someone.

60ish LITERARY EUPHEMISMS FOR MASTURBATION

(via frakintosh)

Happy Sunday, everybody.

Even though I am a lady and thusly have yet to ascertain what masturb8ing is exactly, these are my personal favorites:

1. Blurbing yourself

2. Burying the lede

16. Giving your narrative a Faustian theme

17. Having a strong opinion in your writing workshop about the power of symbolism

32. Paying extra for the hardcover

40. Proofreading the galleys

45. Reading poetry aloud

49. Shooting your own author’s photo

55. Stocking the remainder table

3. Challenging Alexander Pushkin to a one-handed duel

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Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be (10.) dipping...madeleine into Proust’s tea while (15.)...
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*sobbing uncontrollably with laughter*
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