Mills talked last week about metaphors (or was it two weeks ago? let’s just say it was the last time before the film festival that I was cogent [happy birthday, by the way!]). I told him how I spend a lot of time thinking in the other part of the metaphor, the part without the meaning— sort of gathering up a bunch of stupid similes for when I need to explain something profound (I’m revealing too much) (ha! that’s a new concern, isn’t it?). Anyhow ever since that internet conversation if you will (and, oh, you will), these damn thoughts have haunted my waking life and I cannot endure the mundanest of mundanities without extending things out into greater meaning (again, what else is new) and let me just tell you, tonight I spent 5 minutes torturing myself, really, through a horrifically bad apple— I mean making faces, all alone in my room, forcing myself to swallow, refusing to give up hope that that was just one bad part, that there had to be some good to this apple if I could just persevere but blech blech oh this so unfair it seemed so normal at the store how do we even know when the apples are good or bad COME ON, APPLE don’t make me look like a fool I BELIEVED IN YOU, APPLE, WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GO PLACES TOGETHER, YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE SOMEBODY, SOMETHING, IT, I DUNNO, YOU SEEMED FUNNY AND SELF-AWARE IN A WAY FEW PEOPLE ARE THESE DAYS OKAY I MEAN EVERYBODY IS THESE DAYS THAT’S PRETTY MUCH A THING NOW ISN’T IT, “THIS IS ME, HERE IS MY BULLSHIT, ENJOY,” IS THAT NOT HOW EVERYONE OPERATES LATELY- IDEALIZING NEUROTICISM TO SUCH A DEGREE THAT WE FALL IN LOVE WITH OUR VERY INABILITY TO LET EACH OTHER IN, BECOMING COMPASSIONATE TO A FAULT, FAMILIARIZING TO A FAULT, WRITING LATE-NIGHT MISSIVES TO NO ONE IN PARTICULAR BUT EVERYONE IN GENERAL, WINDING THROUGH CLEVER TURNS OF PHRASE TO OBFUSCATE THE VERY THING THAT WILL SAVE US, THE VERY THING WE REFUSE TO SEE, REFUSE TO WRITE ABOUT, TO SAY TO EACH OTHER, TO BLOG: THAT WE WERE WRONG, THAT WE WERE BAD FOR EACH OTHER, THAT WE SHOULD HAVE GIVEN UP A REALLY LONG TIME AGO.