I’ve never gone on a trip without my computer before I’m not even fucking kidding I’ve had a laptop since high school and literally can’t remember not bringing it somewhere. Anyway I didn’t bring it this weekend as a birthday present to my MOM who is turning 50 and is now exactly twice as old as me! Jacob pointed out that that means she was my age when I made my way out of her body— c section, Friday the 13th, at an army hospital in frankfurt Germany— someone played a prank on the doctor and lockEd him in the tennis court while my mom waited, 25, newly married in an army hospital in Frankfurt Germany, me knocking on her pelvic floor.
I’m flying airtran to Atlanta and the gates for them in laguardia are a new kind of hell, a special kind of flourescent, noticeable to everyone as you pass from the cinnabonny Eden of jetblue. I thought I might have a seizure, in a joking exxahgerated way, from staring at all the lights and ads and my fucking iPhone but then! I literally did. Not a seizure but I think I have a brain tumor bc I started seeing flashing lights, that stayed when I closed my eyes. Truly! I called my mom. It was callyourmom level flashing lights. I’ve never had this before. She jokingly told me I probably just have a brain tumor. I really probably do. My flight started boarding and u decided to get on anyway even though I considered this was maybe Gods way to freak me out and keep me from boarding bc the plane was gonna crash. But I inhaled and the lights flashed more and more and moved as I shifted my gaze and I decided it was fine if I died, I accept that, although Mom would probably feel bad and blame herself for scheduling this trip whch, well that would blow for her. But I decided to just blindly amble through boarding, almost taking out a girl who was also in flannel and also drinking coffee and also fiddling with her phone. But as soon as I left he hideous flourescent lights new kind of hell Hell, the seizure went away.
So if i die on this flight you will all be sufficiently creeped out now won’t you? Happy birthday mom! Ha o god. Don’t RT that I’m dead. Kthx.
