“I couldn’t get back to sleep this morning because I was lying awake brainstorming threatening signs we could hang up outside of our building for the people who keep stealing our newspaper.”
“Oh yeah, what were they?”
“Um, mostly, “STOP STEALING OUR PAPER, OR WE WILL LITERALLY KILL YOU.”“
“Ooh, or we could stay up all night and when the paper comes, put a note under it that says, “Look up,” and then they look up and it’s just me crouching on the awning—”
“With a machete!”