So tonight I declared myself “on a bender” because i wanted to go out, get drunk, and not think about all of the things i wanted to accomplish this weekend for at least, I dunno, 18 hours.

So i met some friends and we went out and I had more than three beers and planned on staying out past midnight which BELIEVE ME is bender status in my book.

then we were at this terrible terrible bar drinking piss beer out of a pitcher and i was like WHEN CANN WE LEEEAVE so I can go dance and be on my bender

then these 2 girls came over to me and tapped me on the shoulder and were like IM SO SORRY BUT we have been trying to gather up the nerve to talk to you all night but we are big fans of your blog and i know you are just trying to have a night out with your frienddds but we love you and I am thinking this is the most surreal thing that has ever happened to me and i am asking them about school and what they majored in and of course it is sarah lawrence and literature and i am sort of like DUDES IM SORRY I WAS AN ENGLISH MAJOR TOO JUST WAIT IT OUT A FEW YEARS and we talked about post college life crisis time and they were like, “You are so good at talking to stranger blogfans and i am thinkg HWAAAAAAAAAAAT and then my phone died and i was like YOU GUYS I AM SUPPOSED TO BE ON A BENDER BUT IT’S HARD WHEN YR PHONES DEAD and i was sort of worried about giving them a bad impression but also flummoxed at the idea of that so i started just approaching every guy i saw but they were all like OMG I HAVE A FLIP PHONE and i was like yOU GUYS I KNOW YOU GO TO NYU I MEAN WE ARE ON ST. MARKS and they were like family plannnn Yo AND I TOTALLY UNDERSTOOD but still! i needed a fucking phone charger if i was to continue my Bender™ for god knows why. BUT NOBODY HAD ONE. And every 20 year old response was like, You are cute please sit down but even if i had an iPhone i wouldnt bring my charger to the bar” and i was like NEITHER WOULD I CLEARLY BUT SURELY ONE OF YOU IS BETTER PREPARED!!” ‘

THEN  i took a cab of defeat home and me and the cabbie got lost for at least an hour and i got to the poin of having a real attitude with him “I DUNNO WHERE WE ARE LOOK IT UP IT’S YOUR FUCKING JOB OKAY I DONT CARE HOW MUCH THIS COSTS JESUS JUST FIND OUT!!!” Anyways about two hours later and miles and miles of u-turns and about 3 panic attacks around brooklyn later,  i am home. FML YOU GUYS. fmlllllllllllll.

but really don’t FML because my favorite part of tonite was meeting these young unemployed girls who i could scream about lorrie moore with, i mean wiggle all around and fling myself against the wall when they told me about going to one of her readings and how much better she was than Dave Sedaris and that “OMG IM SORRY we know you just want to have a night out with your friends we are so sorry” and i was like YOU GUYSSS I NEED MY PHONE HELP and they went around to every group of guys with me that there was, tellig them my Life Story but with NO PITY. Allthe boys were like, WHO ARE YOU and i was like, fuck you! is msn your home page? do you use bing? do you use a PC mr FLIP PHONE so they were like WHO ARE YOU even more so and i told them i worked at a BLOGGING PLATFORM which meant absolutely  nothing to them and i think they were afraid of me.