I remember the first time a boy told me to do this. It was relatively recently, actually, and I didn’t know this was a thing nerds said to each other on the Internet and we were in the middle of a relatively inflammatory (I’m sorry, I really am) moment in the descent from hope that was our, well, interaction and I couldn’t believe he just told me to die in a goddam fire, I mean I almost threw my hands up right then and there, asking myself if a man had ever literally wished me dead to my face before or even said such a mean thing in my chat window (in all caps, no less) and I had to wonder what had gone so terribly wrong in the chasm between two human beings that one person was actually telling the other (me) to die in a fire, not die in a bed or die in a hospital while someone performs elaborate rescue techniques while administering powerful steroids to restart your heart. Die in a fire. A fire! Not drown. Not die in childbirth bring your progeny into the world so that the last thing you see is the person who wished you would die in a fire and the fruit of thy (charred) womb. No. Die in a fire. Like Joan of Arc sans Inquisition (more like the Inquisition of my dignity, amirite). So I’m thinking like my GOD, this is really Unhealthy right, I mean how much more can we emotionally abuse each other until I actually will go out and start a fire just so I can die in it and never have to have my soul crushed via gchat again.

Actually, I said:

me: die in a fire!?!?1?!???

And he said:

:) :) :) :) :)

And then I probably screamed about it to Peter and Peter told me it was a Thing People Say. And I looked it up on urban dictionary and sure enough.

Anyway: die in a fire.